FOR NIKE...FASTEST JUST DOESN'T CUT IT
60 SECONDS
24-YEAR-OLD ARIEN O'CONNELL, OF NEW YORK CITY IS FAST...SO FAST THAT HER TIME IN THE NIKE WOMEN'S MARATHON ON SUNDAY BEAT ALL 20-THOUSAND COMPETITORS... AND YET....SHE DIDN'T WIN.
O'CONNELL DECLARES THAT SHE HAD THE GREATEST RUN OF HER LIFE... WITH A RUNNING TIME OF TWO-HOURS 55-MINUTES AND 11 -SECONDS...WHICH STILL ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH FOR NIKE.
NIKE IS TELLING O'CONNELL THAT SHE CAN'T BE DECLARED THE WINNER BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T RUN WITH THE ELITE GROUP--WHO WERE GIVEN A 20-MINUTE HEAD START-- AND HAD THE FASTEST TIME A FULL ELEVEN-MINUTES BEHIND O'CONNELL!
RACE PRODUCER, DAN HIRSCH, SAYS THAT O'CONNELL SHOULD HAVE REGISTERED AS AN ELITE RUNNER AND THAT THEY ARE ONLY FOLLOWING THE RULES--THAT ONLY ELITE RUNNERS CAN BE IN COMPETITION FOR A TROPHY.
STILL...O'CONNELL IS NOT BITTER. SHE RAN HER BEST TIME EVER, HAD A GREAT WEEKEND IN SAN FRANSISCO...AND COMES HOME WITH A STORY.
-60-
Sunday, October 26, 2008
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1 comment:
Good job overall, but too much "hard news" in the lead. Get their attention first, then identify the runner.
Keep your slugline short, just 2-3 words. Also, you've got some really long sentences here (see P2 & P3) -- the poor news anchor would run out of breath! Don't leave the poor souls gasping. Be kind. Keep your sentences short.
Viewers/listeners can't see the quotes around 'ELITE.'
Next to last paragraph gets to close to commentary for me.
12/15
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