Saturday, September 27, 2008

Feature Leads

Birthday Cake Brightens Day For 95- year-old, Firefighters

When the fire alarm sounded at First United Methodist Church, the firefighters responded quickly. Five engines, two ladder companies, and 24 firefighters later they arrived on the scene, a smokey haze hovering through the open doorway to the church. As they readied themselves for a firestorm, the smoke cleared and an unexpected sight appeared before them: An innocent gaggle of church ladies sweetly chirping "Happy Birthday" while pecking at gigantic pieces of raisin speckled carrot cake.

"In my 23 years on the job, I've seen a lot of thing set off a fire alarm, but I don't think I've ever heard of one going off because of a birthday cake," said Fire Chief Lonnie Lamb describing the scene at Mabel McCullough's 95th birthday party. McCullough, who will turn 95 on September 27th, had been presented with a birthday cake and a whopping 95 candles when the trouble started.

"There wasn't an inch to spare. By the time we had them all lit, it looked like a torch" exclaimed Eddi Carlin a guest at the party, describing the massive birthday cake and its myriad of candles. When blown out, that torch created such a nebulous cloud of smoke that the fire alarm was set off. "We had just sat down to eat when we saw them in the doorway" stated Carlin.

Although the firefighters paused briefly in their work to take photos with the nonagenarian, they did not stay for cake.

1 comment:

camccune said...

That's a great scene-setting lead!

Provides a nice set-up for the fire chief's quote.

unexpected sight (not site)

Quote punctuation:
"...of a birthday cake," said Fire Chief Lonnie Lamb. (By the way, you don't need the "the puzzled yet relieved" part -- his quote conveys that. Trust your reader to pick up on that. Don't overwrite.)

"hence brought forth" is another example of overwriting. Too stilted for this piece.

9/10